I Have…

October 27, 2011 By 98 Comments

I am 30 years old and in my life I have…

…played 12 straight hours in a softball tournament, wearing the catcher’s equipment, in 110 degree heat.

…watched the sun set over the ocean in Aruba.

…lost someone extremely close to me and still struggle with accepting that he’s gone.

…had my heart broken and lost all faith in love and myself.

…stayed up all night talking.

…also stayed up all night crying.

…been a statistic.

…gone through a custody battle.

…decided at 30 years old to go back to college, starting all over again.

…lost all of my “real life” friends through growing up and growing apart, but I have met my best friends online.

…watched my heart walk outside of my body in those little miracles I call my children.

…stayed up all night, rocking and holding a sick baby.

…cried when I couldn’t get my child to stop crying.

…been held up at gunpoint at a robbery in a financial institution.

…admitted to struggling, with myself, with my anxiety, with so much more.

…felt alone, with no one to turn to, no one to talk to, and no one to lean on.

…smiled through pain, tears, fear, and heartache, just to show my kids that everything will be okay.

…been petrified of what the future holds, but have kept telling myself that it will all work out.

…come close to losing everything we own.

…faced my fears, held my breath, and taken the plunge.

…learned that I am a stronger person than I ever thought I was.

…loved with my whole heart and soul.

 

Mama’s Losin’ ItThis was written in response to the prompt: Write a list of 22 things you have done.

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Kimberly

I am a busy mom of four, trying to keep my head above water as I swim through the sea of testosterone that has taken over our house. I'm a coffee addict and book lover. My family is everything to me and I often write about my journey through motherhood. This blog captures those special moments in life. This life isn’t easy. It’s not always full of sunshine and rainbows. It’s hard. It’s a struggle. But it’s MY life. Welcome to it. Don't want to miss a post? Be sure to subscribe to my RSS feed.

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Comments

  1. Mirjam says:
    October 27, 2011 at 12:22 am

    This is such a precious list, it says so much about you.
    So much that you should be proud of!

    Reply
  2. Alison at Mommy is a Power Ranger says:
    October 27, 2011 at 12:48 am

    Your list is inspiring. Definitely the best list I’ve read so far. You should be really proud of yourself for all you’ve done.

    Reply
  3. JimmyFJames says:
    October 27, 2011 at 1:12 am

    This is a great list! I have not done the crying because my child was crying… but I was pretty close and felt like the worst father ever. But she still loves me… i think!

    Visiting from Mamakats

    Reply
  4. Alison@Mama Wants This says:
    October 27, 2011 at 1:23 am

    Only 30 and you’ve done/ accomplished/ been through so much.

    Be proud, I am, of you.

    Reply
  5. Grumpy Grateful Mom says:
    October 27, 2011 at 1:38 am

    I think it’s amazing that you’ve been through so much, but have come out on top. Though 12 straight hours with a catcher’s equipment, in the heat, is crazy!

    Reply
  6. Galit Breen
    Twitter:
    says:
    October 27, 2011 at 1:59 am

    Your heart, your strength- that’s what shines through for me here!

    You’re a good egg, Kim!

    (Have you ever been called that before? Endearing, yes? Like you!)

    xo

    Reply
  7. Coffee Lovin Mom says:
    October 27, 2011 at 2:32 am

    Wow, great list Kim..I have also been held at gunpoint – that just brought back a 20 year old memory I haven’t seen in awhile. Have you ever posted about that incident?

    Reply
  8. Stasha says:
    October 27, 2011 at 5:18 am

    The last one is all we need! Great list Kimberly, you are growing every day. Which in itself is a blessing!

    Reply
  9. tracy@sellabitmum says:
    October 27, 2011 at 7:10 am

    You are such an amazing woman. Love you.

    Reply
  10. Elena says:
    October 27, 2011 at 7:10 am

    Such a great post, Kimsley! This line “watched my heart walk outside of my body in those little miracles I call my children” – might just be one of my favorite lines ever. And seriously? All that catchers gear in that heat! The reason I never played softball. That, and the fact that I was afraid of the ball.

    Reply
  11. Kir
    Twitter:
    says:
    October 27, 2011 at 7:25 am

    Well I know you’re completely and totally amazing, this post just proves it.

    A holdup? At gunpoint? Dear god, my heart leapt into my throat….thank goodness u are ok!

    And you’re a badass…too..deep down YOU are one of the STRONGEST women I know. Plus you are beautiful inside and out.

    Reply
  12. Frelle says:
    October 27, 2011 at 7:40 am

    what a great list. And I have done several of those things as well.. cried along with my crying child, stayed up all night holding and rocking a sick child, stayed up all night talking, stayed up all night crying, lost all (well, all but 4) of my real life friends and then found community online, been through a custody battle, lost all faith and love in myself, admitted to having anxiety and so much more…

    I’m so glad we met and that you listed all these things out that I could relate to.

    Reply
  13. Kimberly says:
    October 27, 2011 at 7:42 am

    You have been through so much friend…and you’re still standing. That? Is strength. Be proud of you. I totally am.
    One day at a time ;)
    Xoxo

    Reply
  14. Laci says:
    October 27, 2011 at 8:50 am

    You should be very proud of what you have done and made it through.

    Reply
  15. Jackie says:
    October 27, 2011 at 8:56 am

    Held at gun point?!?! OMG….

    At 30 you’ve done a lot more than some have done in their entire lives!

    Reply
  16. a Book for My Daughter says:
    October 27, 2011 at 9:19 am

    Your list is clearly a testament to what an incredibly strong woman you are. Thanks for including the links to other posts, especially the fact that you have been a “statistic”—each post sucked me in. You have such an honest voice. Thank you for sharing.

    Reply
  17. Shell says:
    October 27, 2011 at 10:40 am

    At gun point? Have you written this story yet? OMG.

    Reply
  18. Soccer Mom says:
    October 27, 2011 at 10:58 am

    Wow this is a powerful list of things you’ve faced and survived. It’s beautifully written!!! I love the one about watched your heart walk outside of your body–perfect way to describe motherhood!

    Visiting from Mama Kat!

    Reply
  19. dysfunctional mom says:
    October 27, 2011 at 11:35 am

    Great list, so open and honest. I have had some similar struggles. But held up in a financial institution?? WOW, that sounds so terrifying!

    Reply
  20. Runnermom-jen says:
    October 27, 2011 at 11:38 am

    I LOVE your list! You always amaze me at how you can open up and share your soul with all of us.
    And, the gunpoint one? I would have peed my pants.

    Reply
  21. Miss Marina Star
    Twitter:
    says:
    October 27, 2011 at 12:36 pm

    This list is so very you. I loved it, especially when you faced your fears, held your breath, and took the plunge!

    Reply
  22. Krista says:
    October 27, 2011 at 1:58 pm

    So much to be proud of, accomplished, wonderful on this list. You’re amazing.

    Reply
  23. Leigh Ann says:
    October 27, 2011 at 2:34 pm

    Yay for going back to school! I also have held up at gunpoint at a financial institution on my list. We’re not making working at a bank look very good, are we?

    Reply
  24. KLZ says:
    October 27, 2011 at 3:03 pm

    But…..it WILL all work out, right?

    Reply
  25. Barbara says:
    October 27, 2011 at 3:16 pm

    What a beautiful list! I have also cried when I couldn’t get my son to stop crying.

    Reply
  26. Megan says:
    October 27, 2011 at 3:24 pm

    Absolutely great post. I love your list and I wish you were near so I could give you a hug. You are a very tough lady and I’m in awe of your strength. Keep your chin up and keep fighting on.

    Reply
  27. LoCo_Mommy says:
    October 27, 2011 at 3:25 pm

    I love this list – a holdup at gun point? Wow.

    Reply
  28. Mama Track says:
    October 27, 2011 at 3:29 pm

    I love learning more about everyone from these lists. And I’m sorry to say that I too have been help up at gunpoint, although mine was on a street. Not a great experience for either of us, I’m sure.

    Reply
  29. Carri says:
    October 27, 2011 at 3:55 pm

    You’re a tough broad, Assy #2!

    Reply
  30. Kristin @ What She Said says:
    October 27, 2011 at 3:56 pm

    Following the robbery at gunpoint, I would’ve next written, “I have crapped my pants.”

    These lists are so interesting. I kept meaning to write one this week but never got around to it. I’m being an apathetic blogger again.

    Reply
  31. Emmy says:
    October 27, 2011 at 4:12 pm

    Been held at gunpoint!! Okay that needs a blog post. Someone else that did this list had something extreme like that- you just never know what people have gone through.

    Reply
  32. Rachael says:
    October 27, 2011 at 4:50 pm

    Amazing list. All the experiences that helped make you the incredible woman you are today.

    Gunpoint! Yikes.

    Reply
  33. julie gardner says:
    October 27, 2011 at 5:42 pm

    That’s a whole lot of life to fit into 30 years…

    Which means you’re ready for whatever comes in the next 70. Or so.

    For sure.

    XO

    Reply
  34. Courtney @ The Mommy Matters
    Twitter:
    says:
    October 27, 2011 at 6:28 pm

    This sounds like you have lived such a full life so far; both because of the good and the bad. :) I have lost all of my real life friends, too for the most part. But have made some of the BEST friends here online.

    Reply
  35. Tim@sogeshirts says:
    October 27, 2011 at 7:41 pm

    Wow you have accomplished and been through a lot. Some of those things you went through I couldn’t handle. You are very strong. It’s true that some of the best friends you can make are online.

    Reply
  36. Jackie says:
    October 27, 2011 at 8:00 pm

    Good for you for going back to school!

    Reply
  37. angela says:
    October 27, 2011 at 8:40 pm

    You have done so very much. Thank you for sharing this list.

    Reply
  38. Elena @CiaoMom says:
    October 27, 2011 at 9:02 pm

    So many head nods. All these things you have done, with such grace and courage. So glad you are sharing your life in this space.

    Reply
  39. Deb says:
    October 27, 2011 at 10:35 pm

    loved this. The bank part left me feeling shaky. That is horrible and can’t imagine what that must have been like.

    Reply
  40. Jessica says:
    October 28, 2011 at 12:22 am

    Everything on this list makes you who you are.

    Reply
  41. Julie says:
    October 28, 2011 at 2:15 pm

    I love that you’re a survivor, in every sense of the word.

    Reply
  42. Elaine
    Twitter:
    says:
    October 28, 2011 at 2:39 pm

    You’ve done and been through a lot. I like how varied you “I Have”s are. I’m struggling with this prompt even though I would like to do it as well. I think yours is amazing.

    Reply
  43. Tonya says:
    October 28, 2011 at 5:32 pm

    I love your list… it represents a life well lived and all the ups and downs that come with it. Nicely done.

    Reply
  44. Julia says:
    October 28, 2011 at 9:22 pm

    Sunset in Aruba is one of my favorite views in one of my favorite places. Held at gun point so scary! This is a great list.

    Reply
  45. Leighann says:
    October 29, 2011 at 5:49 pm

    You are such a determined, loving woman.
    This list just proves it.

    Reply
  46. Rach (DonutsMama) says:
    October 29, 2011 at 10:39 pm

    Held up at gunpoint?? I cannot even imagine how awful and scary that must have been.

    My husband would be so proud of you and your dedication to softball!

    Reply
  47. Sweaty says:
    October 31, 2011 at 12:35 am

    Kim, as I get to know you more and more, I think you’re one heck of a strong, beautiful, and inspiring woman. You’ve been through so much, and yet you’ve overcome those obstacles that life threw at you, and instead of becoming bitter you become the loving and positive person that you are today. Friends like you inspire me. In my times of need such as the one I’m presently going through, I think of women like you, who have emerged true victors in times of trials. Thank you for your friendship, for sharing your experiences, and for your presence here in the blogging world. I’m glad to have met you.

    Reply
  48. MommaKiss says:
    November 1, 2011 at 11:12 am

    You have been so much. I love it. Truly

    Reply
  49. molly
    Twitter:
    says:
    November 1, 2011 at 12:49 pm

    This post is such an inspiration. Look at you, girl! You’ve been through so much. A lot of it I can relate to. But you’re still standing. You’re still growing and prospering as a woman. I have so much respect for you.

    Reply

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