Another year has ended. Another chapter in our life’s book is now closed.
Seeing this past year come to an end left a bittersweet feeling in my heart.
The year 2012 was amazing in many ways.
We welcomed our newest love into the family.
I launched my design business.
We took a family vacation to Disney World.
We laughed. And smiled. And loved with our whole hearts.
But we were also faced with many challenges this year…
…shattered relationships that left holes in my heart.
…a vicious push and pull as we learned to parent a teen.
…an unexpected surgery.
…a discovered breast mass. Then another.
I felt like I kept pushing past one day just to make it to the next.
I would walk around with my breath held in, just waiting for that dark cloud to reappear over my head.
The ground beneath me felt shaky and my feet were unsteady.
I would constantly run down the list of things that I should be doing.
I should be cleaning the house.
I should be organizing the closets.
I should be sitting at the table with an organized craft rather than letting the kids dump toy after toy on the floor in complete mayhem.
I should be present.
I should be writing.
I should be editing.
I should be successful.
I should be courageous and confident and strong.
Then these past two weeks happened.
I took a break from it all.
I ignored all of the should’s in my head and I just was.
I lived each moment as it came to me.
I didn’t think of my list or the use of time.
I just lived.
When the kids wanted to play with blocks and build a tower as high as their heads? We did.
When they wanted an impromptu picnic in the living room while watching a movie? We did.
When they wanted to camp out under blankets and pillows, snuggled up on a dreary afternoon? We did.
When I wanted to close the computer, ignoring the emails and deadlines? I did.
I ignored the should and focused on the be.
That will be my word for 2013.
Plain and simple, but not always that easy.
There will be no “wait just one more minute” or “not right now” or “hold on” or uttered from my mouth.
This year I will be where life wants me to. Where I am, right here, right now.
I will be where my family needs me. In the moment. Present.
*Linking this with Melanie at Only A Breath