It’s been almost 13 years.
Thirteen years since I have put somebody else’s needs above my own. Every.Single.Time.
Thirteen years since I have been lost behind the title of “Mom.”
It’s a title I wear proudly, one that I would never trade for anything, but it’s also one that has given me shade.
Shade as to who I am and where I want to go.
My conversations revolve around my kids. There is never any “grown up” talk.
My wardrobe is far from fun or trendy or cute. It’s functional. Full of mom clothes. Clothes that can be worn to play at the park. Clothes that are decorated in spit up stains. Clothes that are worn at the knee from getting on the floor 87245 times per day.
My hair is pinned back 99% of the time so that it doesn’t get pulled or streaked with paint.
Free time, though I laugh even using that phrase, is spent singing nursery rhymes, playing Ring Around the Rosie, and coloring inside the lines.
I want to be me again.
I want to put on an outfit and feel pretty again.
I want to catch my reflection in the mirror and actually know the person looking back at me.
I want to indulge in things that are just for me, to build myself back up again.
And so this year will be my year.
I have been exercising and eating healthy, and now that the pounds are off it’s time to show it. I’m going to dress in clothing that is trendy and flattering, rather than hide behind my yoga pants and worn t-shirts.
I am going to take the time to do my hair. To give it some life again.
I am going to carve out time for myself. Time to write, time to read, time to crochet. Time to get away from the busyness of life and just be me.
I need this.
I need to feel like me again. I need to recognize myself. I need to see the sparkle in my eye again.
But I know that I can’t just write this. I need to actually do it.
I need to be.
So this week I did it.
I got my hair done with a completely new look.
I started reading, a real, paper book, not just a computer screen.
It may be small steps, but they are still steps nonetheless.
.
.
Kimberly
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Hi, my name is Kimberly! I am a wife of 1 and mom to 4. I'm a social media addict and book lover. This blog is a raw and honest look at life through my eyes. I capture the moments as I fumble through motherhood, marriage, and my new graphic design career. I am sometimes funny, a bit sarcastic, and always sleep deprived.
Twitter: AlisonSWLee
says:
You know this means you need to show us a picture, right? New hair and all? I laughed when I read the part about scraping your hair back because dude, right after I showered and washed my hair this morning, I put it in a messy bun. It’s been 7 hours and it’s still in a messy bun.
SIGH. On the plus side, I received 5 of the 8 books I ordered so I am definitely finding time to read, so yay! And go you!
I know, I know. I need to do an updated picture. Soon, I promise.
I saw your picture of the books. Let me know what you think of them so I know which ones to add to my list?
Don’t I know what you are talking about..
I agree with Alison. Where is the picture!!
Go ahead and spend some time and money on yourself, you deserve it.
You made more changes on your site, right? I am loving it!
I know, I need to take some time for myself. I just feel so bad doing it, you know?
I did make a new design for the blog. Thank you!
Twitter: KirstenPiccini
says:
ummm, where is the picture. Seriously?
I want you to feel good and then LOOK as good as you FEEL. Honestly, you are one BEAUTIFUL, GORGEOUS Gal inside and out…let’s see it.
and um, if you need anyone to go shopping with , I’m YOUR girl.
Hee.
LOVE. YOU;
Like I need an excuse to go shopping! Let’s do it! Please?
New hair… weight loss… cute new clothes… hmm.. I have to agree with Alison. We need to see the new you!
Way to go! This should be the year for all of us moms to focus a little bit more on ourselves and find that elusive ”me’ time.
I know, I need to get an updated photo of myself. I’m just much better behind the lens instead.
Twitter: corp2domestic
says:
Yes Alison is right…we want to see the new do! It is hard to make time for ourselves..and I only have 2…can’t imagine with 4.
My alone time is non existent. I need to get it back though.
Twitter: queenofchaosmom
says:
Totally agree with the above…where is the pic? I can totally relate to the looking in the mirror and recognizing the reflection. This year is going to be a good one for you. I can feel it!
I hate avoiding the mirror because I know I won’t like the reflection. And when I do look? It’s a stranger. I need to be me again. Desperately.
Twitter: fromtracie
says:
Those are awesome steps!
Now show us that picture!
I know, I really need to get one of myself!
I think that’s wonderful! Take the time for yourself and enjoy. (Please remind me of this after our son is born.)
It is so easy to forget to nurture ourselves, but it is something that we really must do.
Twitter: bestoffates
says:
That is fabulous. Enjoy!
Thank you! I”m going to really try to.
Let’s get together and crochet. Or go out. Or go shopping. Or do all three, I don’t care. Either way, if you’re looking for someone with whom to indulge in your you-ness, you know who to call.
You will be hearing from me.
Um, picture, lady? I am happy you’re finding your way back to you.
I know, I know. I’m terrible at taking pictures of myself.
Twitter: hookdandhappy
says:
Oh I so understood this. I chose this year to do a little more for me. And like everyone else, I’d love to see a photo!
It’s so easy to forget about ourselves, you know?
I know what you mean! My 22 year old son moved 15 hours away for college. After I got over the shock and realized its just my husband and I at home now, there would be more me time and I could figure out who I want me to be. Instead, I find I’ve been working more hours to make ends meet in this down economy and have yet to start the “me” project. After reading your post, I’m going to start now. Today. Small steps until I see a glimpse of me, just me, again. Thanks for the push.
Twitter: adayinmollywood
says:
Yes, you need to find you again. I do too. I promised myself that I wouldn’t forget myself when I had kids. But I have. I’m guilty of putting everyone before myself. I don’t really know how to change that.
Where are the pictures of this new look for your hair?
Twitter: CourtneyKirklnd
says:
I love this post. I think this is pretty common with all moms and if we aren’t careful, we get completely lost in the parenting. I can’t remember the last time I really took a break for ME. Good for you, mama!
I’m right there with you, and it’s about damn time! You are fabulous and I’m glad you’re going to show the world.
Twitter: jackie23t
says:
Good for you!!! I think it’s great that you’re taking time for yourself, and I think we should all remember to do that. That’s my plan for the year. I’ve been working out, running, buying cute clothes (which I haven’t done in years) and I’m working on eating healthier.
I am so proud of you!! I know it took a lot dedication and sacrifice, so I hope you’re proud of you too, And I’m with the rest, picture please.