Just last week…
I was in the car on the way to the hospital. It was dark and a light drizzle was falling onto the windshield.
I was grasping onto the arm rest with each contraction, begging my body to make the pain go away, fearing what was in store for me in the next few hours.
I held you in my arms. Your brand new baby-ness fit snuggly in the crook of my elbow.
I looked down at your big blue eyes and instantly fell in love with you.
You made me a mother.
Just the other day…
You were a toddler.
Learning to walk. Learning to talk.
Exploring this brand new world around you.
Asking endless questions. Why? What’s that? How?
You were starting kindergarten on your own. Clinging tightly to my hand as your uncertainties about this new experience came through.
I was walking you to school while watching you eagerly line up on the playground with your brand new friends.
Bringing home your first homework assignment, excited to get started.
Just this morning…
You were waking up extra early ready to head out to your very first T-ball practice.
You didn’t know the rules of the game. You had never played a sport before. And your jersey was as big as you were, emphasizing how tiny your little body really was.
Now you are here, standing before me…
You are almost a teenager.
I look at you and instead of that chubby-cheeked baby face looking back at me, there is a slender, adolescent face, complete with sprouting facial hair.
Instead of the bedtime cuddles every night, you mumble goodnight as you head up the stairs. Alone. To sleep behind a closed door.
There are attitudes, a constant push and pull, a battle of wills.
There is a little less laughter and a bit more distance.
The thought of you slipping away, growing up, and finding your own way in life terrifies me.
Time has gone by so quickly and the years now seem lost.
Because just last week I was pulling into the hospital to meet you for the very first time.