Just last week…
I was in the car on the way to the hospital. It was dark and a light drizzle was falling onto the windshield.
I was grasping onto the arm rest with each contraction, begging my body to make the pain go away, fearing what was in store for me in the next few hours.
I held you in my arms. Your brand new baby-ness fit snuggly in the crook of my elbow.
I looked down at your big blue eyes and instantly fell in love with you.
You made me a mother.
Just the other day…
You were a toddler.
Learning to walk. Learning to talk.
Climbing.
Jumping.
Yelling.
Exploring this brand new world around you.
Asking endless questions. Why? What’s that? How?
Just yesterday…
You were starting kindergarten on your own. Clinging tightly to my hand as your uncertainties about this new experience came through.
I was walking you to school while watching you eagerly line up on the playground with your brand new friends.
Bringing home your first homework assignment, excited to get started.
Just this morning…
You were waking up extra early ready to head out to your very first T-ball practice.
You didn’t know the rules of the game. You had never played a sport before. And your jersey was as big as you were, emphasizing how tiny your little body really was.
Now you are here, standing before me…
You are almost a teenager.
I look at you and instead of that chubby-cheeked baby face looking back at me, there is a slender, adolescent face, complete with sprouting facial hair.
Instead of the bedtime cuddles every night, you mumble goodnight as you head up the stairs. Alone. To sleep behind a closed door.
There are attitudes, a constant push and pull, a battle of wills.
There is a little less laughter and a bit more distance.
The thought of you slipping away, growing up, and finding your own way in life terrifies me.
Time has gone by so quickly and the years now seem lost.
Because just last week I was pulling into the hospital to meet you for the very first time.
.
.
Kimberly
Latest posts by Kimberly (see all)
- Essence of Now: May 24 - May 23, 2013
- New Year, New Us - May 21, 2013
- You Are My Calm - May 19, 2013
Hi, my name is Kimberly! I am a wife of 1 and mom to 4. I'm a social media addict and book lover. This blog is a raw and honest look at life through my eyes. I capture the moments as I fumble through motherhood, marriage, and my new graphic design career. I am sometimes funny, a bit sarcastic, and always sleep deprived.
Twitter: AlisonSWLee
says:
Oh I can’t even imagine how difficult and bittersweet this is. xo
I feel this way every single day I look at my kids. I seriously wonder to myself “weren’t they just babies?”…
Twitter: copilotmom
says:
This is so true. It’s like yesterday to me; it all happens so fast.
Twitter: queenofchaosmom
says:
You know I am right there with you and this post tugs at my heart. It’s going too fast and their push for independance feels like some sort of war. We’ll get through it. We might have no hair left (from pulling it out) but we’ll get through it. At least that is what I keep telling myself.
You have no idea how much I can relate to this! This is such a difficult time as a mom… they’re growing up, they don’t need us like they used to, they’re so independent… it’s scary as hell too.
Life does fly right by us….crazy that no matter how much time passes we see, to remember every moment as if it was yesterday. I know I do with all my children. My eldest is seventeen, I gasp for air to think sometime in the near future he will be departing to begin his life with out me.
Oh Kimberly I have chills.
This is exactly it isn’t it? Time goes so quick and we try to capture every second but then there are responsibilities and other children and job and groceries and lost patience.
You have done a beautiful job at expressing the passage of time.
Twitter: corp2domestic
says:
They do grow so fast…and I can’t imagine my boys at the age of teenagers…I just want them to be little forever!
Oh gosh, Kimberly…you made me tear up. I’m so not ready for the teenage distance. I know it’s not too far off though. The attitudes and battle of wills…sigh.
Beautiful post.
xo
Awwww. Facial hair? How do they honestly get so big so quickly?
Twitter: lilahbility
says:
Ohmygosh I almost can’t read this. It breaks my heart to think of my own son getting that big. I know, it’s life. But oy.
Facial hair? Already? No way.
Time needs to slow down. For real.
Twitter: KristenPGIP
says:
You just did me in! Ash turns 11 in March and I can’t believe it. Next year she heads to middle school and as excited and ready as she is…I want to hold onto my little girl!
It goes by so fast! Too fast. Way too fast. Sigh…