We talked about it for a while. We introduced the idea to you and let you ask all the questions you needed to about it.
When you talked, we listened. When you pushed back, we held you. When you wanted to fight it, we supported you.
But it was time.
You were 3.5 years old. You had to let go.
I took you upstairs to your bed and we went through our routine. I tucked you in tightly with your Mickey Mouse and your taggies.
I looked down at your face and your tears started to pool at your eyelids.
“Please, Mommy. Please can I have my chumbutt?”
Your gentle pleads eventually turned into cries.
You didn’t understand. It was your security since you came home from the hospital well over 3 years ago.
To just a little boy you didn’t understand why Mommy wasn’t letting you have a piece of your safety.
Every cry, every wail, and every tear broke my heart just a bit more than the one before.
The panic set in and washed over your little body as your heart raced emphatically against your chest.
I laid in your bed with you as you clung tightly to my body.
Your tears continued to fall and in that moment I realized how small you really were.
Your insecurity in this big wide world was unmistakable.
I held you close and assured you that it was ok.
That I was proud of you for being such a big boy.
When all I wanted to do was keep you little forever.
I looked down at you as your eyelids fell heavy, finally giving in to the sleep I knew you needed.
You’re growing into a little boy, it’s apparent more and more with each passing day.
But in that moment, in that light, as you held me close, clinging to that security, it showed.
You’re still just a little boy.
Scared of the unfamiliar world around you. Searching for the security you so easily find in me.
Wanting to be held. To be safe. And loved.
.
.
Kimberly
Latest posts by Kimberly (see all)
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Hi, my name is Kimberly! I am a wife of 1 and mom to 4. I'm a social media addict and book lover. This blog is a raw and honest look at life through my eyes. I capture the moments as I fumble through motherhood, marriage, and my new graphic design career. I am sometimes funny, a bit sarcastic, and always sleep deprived.
Twitter: elainea
says:
Aw, this is SO hard. I know how hard it is to hear those cries. My heart goes out to you both… xoxo
Twitter: queenofchaosmom
says:
Which is why I am still laying with Gia every single night. I hate that we have to help them grow up, that it’s our job to guide them and sometimes force the issue when all we want to do is keep them our babies. Great post!
We didn’t co-sleep. That was part of the contract that Shawn and I signed the day that we found out that we were pregnant. (I’m not judging you. Everyone is entitled to their own choices and their choices are always right for them.) We did that because we wanted our own space. With that said, we didn’t have to go through that…bottles?…yes…soothers?…yes. No matter what you’re letting go of, it will always be difficult. They grow way too fast.
My daughter is going through a rough time right now as she is trying to get Sydney-May out of the habit of needing her mummy to go to bed with her…………..
That is so hard, I hate when they cry like that. They are so little even when they seem so big.
Hang in there. The first few days will be rough but then it will pass. Or so they say.
That’s the toughest! I’ll be heading down that road soon, it’s going to take alot from my husband and I both to be successful but we will have to do it.
Sleep training is the worst. Best of luck to you.